Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story! I so felt with you when you said the thing about realizing you were wearing your debt! My friend and I were just having this conversation. She was talking about what it feels like to know you’re still paying off ball park hotdogs you ate three years ago and we were laughing…because ya can’t cry about it. In my own life, I’ve definitely had to come to Jesus with myself about where I dropped the bulk of my debt, and why I did it. I think one thing that’s helped me is to write down what I legitimately got from these things that are valid, or even were valid at the time (even if they’re not my values anymore). It’s easy to be hard on ourselves when we’re in a healthier place with a different perspective, but the person making those decisions in the past wasn’t us, now, if that makes sense. So it’s like getting really mad at your childhood self…what’s the point? We can easily see that getting mad at something we did as a five year old is ridiculous, but I don’t think this scenario is that much different from getting mad at myself for what I did as a 30 year old now that I’m 41. Forgiving myself and reminding myself I had a different perspective, then, is important. And I’d like to point out that you still HAVE those shoes, you still WEAR them, you’re taking care of them so they last into the future. So this can sit side by side with knowing that you might have a different perspective on buying expensive shoes, nowadays. They don’t cancel each other out, but they are both true and it might help you be less hard on yourself. Because that doesn’t help! It’s ironic that I had to become less hard on myself and more accepting of my mistakes/imperfections to start doing the practical stuff.
That said, ya gotta do the practical stuff! And it’s SO FREEING. The paradox of the hard work is that, while it can feel icky and triggering in the beginning, I found that the results were almost instantaneous and now I can’t believe the things I thought about myself and my debt just a few months ago.
You do NOT have to do YNAB but if you do (or even if you just want to spreadsheet a budget or whatever), there are videos that were great for me to start with. Even if you don’t use YNAB’s software, I think their philosophy is SO great, because it reminds us we’re not robots. So like the whole Dave Ramsey philosophy was good for me to read, because it definitely helped me cut back where I really needed to. But then YNAB kinda reminded me that taking my priorities into consideration was important, too. And I prioritize my lifestyle, in some categories, over paying off every penny I can. That’s okay because I’m still paying off far more and far faster than I ever have, now that I’m making conscious choices rather than reactive ones.
These videos helped me figure things out both in ynab (so software wise) but also philosophically (that I could both live AND budget/save/pay off debt). I know I sound like I work for ynab and I really don’t. lol I’m just SO OBSESSED. It really did change my life.
Ynab’s four rules (which are helpful even if you don’t use ynab)
YNAB’s own in depth video on setting up a ynab budget (but can probably be used without ynab)
Another very helpful video on setting up a budget in ynab (but can probably be used without ynab)
